Thursday, 5 March 2015

The hardest thing about becoming a parent, and it's not what you think...

I often hear people talk about the hardest thing about being a parent, lack of sleep is the firm favourite.  Don't get me wrong, those loooong sleepless nights and endless feeds are hard and so very exhausting. But the hardest thing I find about being a parent, is something you may not have heard anyone say before. 

For me, the hardest thing, is love. 

It is hard to comprehend how much I love this tiny human. 

From the moment I met him, before we even got to know each other I loved him in a way I had never experienced before and I found that utterly terrifying. 

If I had to throw myself of a cliff to save him, I would jump without a second thought. That's a scary kind of love. 

My mind is now never my own. Freddie is always there. My mind, body, heart and soul is consumed by the love I feel for him.

I worry about him every second, of every day.  Not just about his physical health, but whether he is happy. Whether he will grow up to be happy and fullifilled and weather I am getting this parenting thing right. And that is more exhausting than a million night feeds.

When you are a mother you never sleep the same again. Our partners may snore away happily beside us, but our mummy ears are always open.  We never get so much as a second off. 

I appreciate the break when Freddie's Grannie has him for an afternoon, or when daddy takes him out to give me some peace. But you never get a break when you are a mummy. I think about the little piece of my heart that's outside my body 24/7. I might be having a nice conversation with you, but I'm thinking about Freddie. He is always there. 

Everyone always tells you before you have a baby that you will never feel a love like it. And boy are they right.  You can't explain it. You have to feel it. 

I am not saying I don't like it, or that I don't like loving someone that much. I do. I love it so much, I wouldn't have it any other way. Every time he smiles at me, even when he is grumpy and hard work, I love it. I love being a mum and I never knew I could be this happy. He makes my heart melt.  I have finally found my calling in life and there is no better job than being a mother. 

But it is a 24/7 job, for the rest of your life. And to love someone so much that it physically hurts, is hard, hard work. 

But I wouldn't change it for the world. 

I am nervous about posting this, you might completely get this, or think I am a complete loony. 

To my beautiful Freddie William. I love you so very much. Always, and forever. 

Mummy xxx 


6 comments:

  1. I enjoyed reading this when awake at 4 am feeding my 2nd child. It made me smile. I tell my daughter (1st born) that I thought she was so cute and amazing when she was little that I wanted to eat her. Not literally but I just wanted to kiss and snuggle her endlessly. I agree that you never stop for a second thinking or worrying about them. Your perspective of life is forever change. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

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    1. Thank you so much! I know exactly what you mean, everyte
      Freddie does something I just wanna squish him because he is so god damn cute! Sometime I want him to have a nap because I can physically take anymore cuteness, genuinely worried I might burst! Certainly gives life perspective, I remember when I laying on the table seconds after Fred was born my other half said to me "nothing else matters now" and he is right. Just us and our baby :) thank you so much for reading xx

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  2. I 10000% get this! Sometimes I find the love I have for my daughter so overwhelming and then she does the cutest things and I think I may burst. It is a huge responsibility but it will get easier, won't it?! Xx

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  3. Hi! Thank you so much for reading! Glad you get what I
    Mean! I know it's like if he does one more cute thing I may actually explode! I think it gets easier to manage but we will worry forever! I think we think so much about the financial and social impact of a baby, we don't even realise the emotional impact they will have. It's hard but oh so worth it :) thank you so much for reading xx

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  4. Totally agree with this, It's hard to put in to words and it does take a bit of getting used too. It's magical and amazing but you are right, you are on call 24/7 for the rest of forever, even when they are sleeping or being looked after by someone else your mind and heart and soul are with them.
    Beautifully written post, thanks for sharing it.

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    1. Thank you so much for such a lovely comment. It was so emotional to write but helped me understand how I was feeling! X

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